Lesson 7 in a series for mature teens, Understanding True Love; a free Bible lesson Dating is one way of meeting possible marriage partners and helping you. Though the bible doesn't talk directly about dating, it does speak of our future marriage by setting physical limits and boundaries when it. The great prize in dating is not Christ-centered intimacy, but They're simply lessons I've learned and hope can be a blessing for you, There is a reason the Bible doesn't have a book devoted to how to choose a spouse.
What does the Bible say about dating / courting?
This has led many church youth groups to become havens for dating and premarital sex. I am attempting to give some biblical clarity on this all-important subject for the sake of our local churches and for the sanctity and safety of the next generation who will soon have their own families.
The following are guidelines that best fit young people but many of the principles still apply to older and more mature single adults looking for a mate.
Dating—the Benefits and Dangers—Lesson 7 in Understanding True Love series
Dating I have taught each of my five children the difference between dating and courtship. Dating is an unbiblical method crafted by the world with no boundaries or ethics with the following assumed rules and values: Two people can mutually claim to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" if they are physically attracted to one another and this is the litmus test have a crush and claim each other for themselves in a special relationship.
There are no boundaries or ethics in this type of relationship. Thus, what initially starts off as French kissing quickly accelerates to petting, fondling, and then full-blown sexual intimacy. Although they are committed to one another as "boyfriend and girlfriend" they most often end their relationship after several months when one "feels a crush" for someone else.
Thus, the relationship ends with at least one of the individuals feeling devastated and wounded especially because of soul ties that were created from sexual intimacy. Get Spirit-filled content delivered right to your inbox!
Click here to subscribe to our newsletter. Although the above three points are generalizations, they are true depictions of most cases regarding dating; its devastating results on the human soul cannot be fully measured! Even worse, the double-mindedness that results from numerous sexual encounters with various people carries into future relationships and even marriage. This is because of unhealthy soul ties that have been developed, increasing the chances one's marriage will end in adultery and divorce, which drags down children and creates generational curses due to family fragmentation.
It is amazing that most churches and youth groups do not speak about this in their discipleship processes! Every pastor should have church guidelines that include boundaries for how their youth groups should be conducted. Every youth pastor should be trained on the difference between the worldly concept of dating and the biblical concept of courtship.
Dating is revolutionized if the following guidelines are followed: Dating should only take place in the context of having an accompanying chaperone with young couples.
Or, only group dating should be encouraged. Groups can go to a movie or have an outing, or go for dinner so that two people can sit together and get to know one another in the safety of other trusted believers. Dating should not be encouraged for anyone under a certain age. I would say at least 18 although others would say Dating should not involve any physical contact. Even something as harmless as a hug can lead to petting, which will then lead to a sexual encounter.
Each person is trying very hard to impress the other person. A couple can go together for years without really knowing each other. They get married and sooner or later discover the real person they married. At the right time God stirs up their interest in the opposite sex. The big question then becomes: How will I find the one God has in mind for me?
While there can be some benefits from dating, it is based on the wrong motive—getting instead of giving.
YOUTH TALK: WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT DATING?
It has the wrong goal—go as far as you can. And it can produce wrong results—broken hearts and damaged emotions. Each time, as the pain caused from the last relationship fades into the background, the guy and girl develop a new romance with a different partner. The whole scenario of getting deeply involved romantically, breaking up, and doing the same thing over and over again becomes a dress rehearsal for divorce. Is there a better way?
Courtship is a relationship in which both guy and girl have the same long-term purpose in view. The requirement for courtship involves a commitment on the part of both guy and girl to certain guidelines: A "one man, one woman" commitment.
A restraint of affections. Lust is a getting proposition and it demands immediate satisfaction. Real love will wait for the right time and right circumstances. It is not unusual for two committed Christians to agree to refrain from all physical contact beyond holding hands until marriage. Some of the happiest married couples can testify to the fact that their first kiss was at the marriage altar! Respect for parents on both sides. In a God-ordained courtship, there should be the approval of the parents on both sides.
If one or both sets of parents disapprove of the relationship, that is a danger signal which should not be ignored. A successful marriage involves serious preparation on the part of both the guy and girl.
Financial freedom is a necessity in a happy marriage. The couple should seriously consider a budget. You may be madly in love with each other, but if you do not have a good education and financial freedom, you may not be ready for courtship. Ideally, both husband and wife should be committed Christians who love the Lord Jesus with all their hearts.
There will be serious problems if one partner is a fully-committed Christian and the other is complacent about the things of God. Under no circumstances should a born-again Christian marry an unbeliever. The Rewards of Courtship Courtship brings a new freedom in relationships with the opposite sex. You are focused on one person and not wondering about every guy or girl you meet.
It avoids envy and jealousy.
What Does the Bible Have to Say About Dating?
Courtship promotes self-control and moral purity. It promotes responsibility—you are seriously planning and preparing for life.
What does God say? God delights in the happiness of His children. Every command of God is an expression of His love and His desire that we enjoy the best He has in mind for us.
Let us see what God says about sexual matters. Fornication Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman who are not married is called fornication. God hates this sin because it destroys the beautiful plan that God has in mind for you. For you are bought with a price: In business, defrauding is cheating—leading someone to expect certain benefits which you know are false.
When a guy professes to love a girl and talks about their getting married some day in order to entice her to have sex with him, that is defrauding. This means God will punish those who commit this sin. A good rule for guys and girls is this: Do not give or take that which may some day rightfully belong to another person. Homosexual sins God forbids all sexual intercourse between two members of the same sex.
God does not hate homosexuals; He loves them! He loves them so much that He gave His only Son to die for them. But God hates their sin. The Bible tells us that God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of this sin. Marrying an unbeliever For a Christian to marry an unbeliever is a violation of the will of God.
In no uncertain terms God warns us against this sin. Let this fact impress itself on your mind: Wait for the right person and the right time A researcher has discovered a way to forecast the future of four-year olds by watching how they interact with a marshmallow.
Not a lot, or so it seems. That was the culture then, as it still is in some parts of the world. In fact, Jesus lays down a number of principles that can be applied to the issue of dating, and what I want us to see is that: It depends on how it is done, when it is done, and with whom it is done.
So here are three things for Christian young people to remember about dating. It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. The Bible is clear that the reason for starting a special kind of friendship with someone is for the purpose of marriage. It also says that when you are dating someone, you are to show purity and not take advantage of them. Can you see how this is different from what your friends, the TV, movies would say about dating?
The message given by the world about dating is that: It will make you feel good. But the Bible says that there is a right way to date and a wrong way to date. Dating can be a good thing if done in the right way.
Jesus says that the right way is with the aim of marriage and with absolute purity. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.